So, as a said in my last post. I survived the holidays (just barely). Some days, I was smart about managing my illness, other days I was just outright stubborn. That’s life though! I am now so, so fatigued. It feels like all my limbs are filled up with iron. We have some invites for New Years Eve parties, but there is no way I’d make it through the ride to the parties, let alone through the parties themselves. I’m lucky because Jake doesn’t mind staying in. If he does, he does an excellent job of making me feel like he doesn’t. That’s why he’s the best! I’m also lucky because my friend Molly continues to always invite me to everything even though she knows I probably can’t go. It makes me feel happy to know I was invited even if I won’t be able to make it. She gets that. I took tons of pictures, so I’ll just tell you about my week that way.
Friday before Christmas
We got to pick up Emma Friday, and she stayed with us until Christmas Day at noon. This day, I was feeling pretty awesome because it was the first day in a long time I took a big dose of Adderall. I was well aware the energy was “fake”, so I tried to be careful about not overdoing it. The energy allows me to do what I want, but since it isn’t real energy, I still suffer the consequences from doing things just like I would if I hadn’t taken Adderall at all. Towards the end of the day, my throat started hurting pretty badly. I think my throat is like my body’s sick-o-meter for a day to day basis. As I do more and more, it hurts and swells more and more. When it gets to the point where swallowing and talking hurt, I usually stop whatever I’m doing and quit for the day.
Saturday we informed Emma that Santa Clause had called to talk to Daddy and me. He said he was coming early to Daddy’s house. We did this so she would have time to play with her toys. We didn’t want to have her open all her new toys Christmas morning and only have a few hours to play with them. She was pretty excited. Jake’s cousin, Luke, came over for most of the day. Emma really warmed up to him. She knows him as Uncle Luke. I, once again (and as I would for the next 7 days), took a full dose of Adderall. I was up with her and Jake a bunch. She started being clingy to me like she used to be (in a good way). It made me really happy to feel that again, but also sad that the only way to achieve it was to take strong drugs and make myself sick.
Santa had come Sunday morning! I tied the hall doors shut so she couldn’t sneak out and see. I wanted my “oh-my-gosh-Santa-came-I’m-so-surprised-face” picture! Unfortunately, Friday and Saturday had really caught up with me. I woke up feeling how I usually feel at the end of a busy day. No good! I’m pretty sure I did a good job faking good health while we did the whole Santa thing, but by the end of the day, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I even rested throughout the day to no avail. Jake’s cousin Jason (Emma’s Uncle Jason) came over, but Emma was feeling really shy. We needed to leave for Jake’s parent’s house before she had time to come out of her shell.
Christmas Eve is the big day for Jake’s family at Christmastime. I was really excited because some of his family live in California, so it is rare to get everyone all together. I was still feeling really sick. I got all prettied up with the moto of “look good – feel good” in my head. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out. I only made it about an hour at the party. I tried talking a lot because I wanted to hear about what’s going on with everyone since we never see them. This, of course, made me go downhill more quickly. But really, what am I supposed to do, sit there silently, focusing on not puking? That’s no fun… I didn’t even make it to the gift exchange . I had my feet propped up and everything, but it just wasn’t enough. My skin began hurting, I could feel a fever coming on, and I got very nauseous after eating a little bit. At that point, I knew laying down in the spare bedroom wouldn’t help and I needed to go home. I sat there 20 minutes trying to will the pain away, but it didn’t work so I let Jake know. Jake ran me home. I sadly left and felt bad for needing to leave so soon. I threw up right after I got home. I ended my Christmas Eve laying on my bathroom floor hoping Christmas Day wouldn’t be ruined for me too.
I drove Emma to her Mom’s house and headed to my parents. I had a really wonderful time despite feeling pretty sick. My Mom made me tons of delicious, allergy friendly food. It was GREAT! Unfortunately, I get really tired after I eat because of the blood going to my stomach to help digest. That’s no good when you’re already having issues getting enough blood to your brain! It bothered me that my Papa noticed me not looking so good. He knows I’m sick, but he has never noticed me crashing. I know he worries, so I hated that I was so sick he noticed. Both of my siblings were there and no one had to leave for work. This hasn’t happened for years! Overall, it was a great day, but a sick day. I laid down 2 times throughout the day which I do think helped.
I tried to recover. I really didn’t have much success. I was nauseous a lot, achy, and was having a lot of trouble convincing my body to move.
Saturday – Dad’s side of family Christmas
I needed to travel 2 hours each way to get to this Christmas. We were really worried since just one hour in the car usually does me in. So 2 hours there, socializing, and 2 hours back sounded pretty intimidating! I felt tired and nauseous, but we made it there! I pretty much would have had to have been throwing up to not go. I missed the big Father’s Day celebration because of POTS, I wasn’t going to miss another chance to see this part of my family. Jake talked to me ahead of time about needing to lay down whether I wanted to or not. I agreed I’d listen if he told me to lay down. I had a great time. It was so nice to see everyone, especially my little cousins. I don’t get to see them much! When we got home, I was really nauseous. After laying on the bathroom floor awhile, I decided to take Phenegran to stop me from throwing up. This is always a big decision because I get a hang over from taking it.
I hope all of you had nice holidays, even if you were feeling sick like me! Thank you to all of my family members who helped me make it through all of the celebrations. I couldn’t have done it without you.