I have my Dad’s positive outlook.
No matter what is going on, I am able to find there is far more to be happy about than sad.
I have my Mom’s thirst to understand the “why”.
I don’t stop asking questions and researching until I feel a complete understanding. If what I learn doesn’t line up with my current treatment, thanks to her I am not afraid to mention it.
I have my sister’s kindness.
When people aren’t understanding of me or just plain old mess up, I am still nice to them. (If you aren’t understanding of me, however, she will not be nice or kind — she turns into a mother hen!)
I have my brother’s sense of humor.
I am able to laugh at the fact that two people strapped me to a table, stood it up, and proceeded to stare at me for 30 minutes. I am able to look at pictures of my nearly naked body covered in gold dust for a sweat test, and die laughing at how ridiculous my life with POTS is.
I have my Papa’s patience.
I’ll patiently wait for test results (but don’t push it), and I’ll let the new nurse get practice putting in an IV with me. I will do my exercises every single day, even when I don’t see progress. I will explain my illness over and over, calmly, even when met with skepticism.
I have my Grandma’s stubbornness.
I will not let POTS win.
I have a bit of my Momo’s what I’ll call “patient attitude”.
Even if I am sitting in a hospital bed with an IV full of drugs going in me and a pile of terrible test results… I’d rather act like we were out to lunch and chat about your job than acknowledge my illness.
I have my Momo’s evil eye.
When the nurses decide to not give me my medicine on time, they will shake in their boots when they see me.
I have my Pooh’s willfulness to do things I always have been able to.
If I really, really want to do something, I won’t let POTS stand in the way. If it means making myself more sick, that’s what I’ll do!
I have my fiance’s reasonableness in handling symptoms.
I lay down when I need to — no matter how much fun sitting upright sounds. I get to the hospital before things get bad — no matter how much more appealing lying on the bathroom floor is.
I have Emma’s hope.
Emma believes almost anything is possible if she wills it enough or says it enough. I feel the same way about getting better. As Emma would say, “Why don’t you just not be dizzy?”
I have the understanding, empathy, humbleness, and appreciation of life that comes from helping hundreds of people get through situations I will probably never find myself in.
I have my family’s strong work ethic.
I truly believe “there are no menial jobs, just menial attitudes.” No matter what I am doing, I try to do it the best I can. Just because things get difficult doesn’t mean I will be giving up.
I have my own determination.
All of the traits my family has shared with me has allowed me to see my determination through.
No matter how many roadblocks are thrown in my way, I will cope with them, handle them, and walk away smiling.
Thank you for saying all of those nice things about your family. You’ve been your own little determined strong willed person with a heart of gold since you were born. You will beat this and will go on to use this experience to help others. It’s just who you are.
Aw shucks
Our family
You have already helped me and we just met
Thank you! P,S. I talked to Mayo today and we are trying to get the ball rolling (I at least have a file #). I refuse to let this “last resort” be my last resort. Your ability to write and get your feelings out there is definitely help to others. You may not get paid money to blog, but hope knowing you’re helping others cope with their illnesses is just as fulfilling!
Well thank you! It does fulfill me. Prior to being sick I always was in social work type jobs and volunteered a lot, so helping people is kind of my thing. I hope your call to Mayo was helpful and not soul crushing or anything like that!
Love this and love your mom’s comments
Isn’t she the sweetest?
Ditto to what Angela said!!!! You are far wiser beyond your years and have that amazing unconditional love of a toddler (I mean that in the best way possible)! I can attest that I was a stranger but somehow I feel like Ive known you for a long time…and you have blessed me every day with inspiration and of course that lethargic smile! Can we all call you, “My Jackie?”
Aw, thanks Heather! Being told I am an old soul happens to be my favorite compliment to receive in the whole world
I’d be honored to be everyone’s Jackie!
When I was in the hospital for 6 weeks when I was first diagnosed with leukemia, the nurses sometimes looked at me like I was bonkers. I HAD to watch America’s Funniest Videos in the afternoon (3 hours worth) every weekday. I HAD to laugh !! I felt like a used hairball (minus the hair) but I knew that laughter boosts immunity, and since I had none, I figured I needed to do all I could to get SOME !! Attitude means a lot with chronic (or acute) illnesses.
I think if you’re in the hospital for 6 weeks you are entitled to come off as bonkers as you’d like! I find the research about the connection between people’s attitudes/dispositions and illness so interesting!
Re-read this because I just think it’s beautiful!
Thank you
I teared up a little writing it because I am just so lucky!
Awesome! How true (that we are the cumulation of those around us)! Thanks for sharing!