If you read my blog regularly, you’re probably saying, “Wait, where is victory number one?” You didn’t miss it. I’m just being wild and crazy and writing victory #2 before #1 because for #1, I have pictures to add… and I don’t feel like doing that right now.
Victory number two happened on day 20 of treatment (yesterday).
Yesterday, I was woke up by the most adorable almost-4-year-old in the world, my stepdaughter Emma. I immediately got up, got in my nearly 2 liters of fluids, handful of pills, handful of vitamins, got me ready, did Emma’s hair, negotiated an outfit with Emma, picked some veggies from the garden for my mother-in-law-to-be, and was ready to go to my father-in-law-to-be’s birthday. Oh yeah, I wore a short sundress because I don’t have to wear compression stockings anymore. We planned ahead of time to only stay for an hour. That way I was able to go and feel like part of the family without having to making myself sick. We made a pit stop at the store and drove the 25 minutes or so to their house. We got there and I parked myself in the recliner with a glass of ice water. Unfortunately after about half an hour, Miss Emma had a bit of a melt down… a long one. Anyone with a 3 year old at home can probably relate. I was very proud of her because after being given some time to think about things, and several pep talks on the merits of apologies, she apologized for her actions during her meltdown. By then, we’d been there over an hour. The last thing Jake and I wanted to do after she apologized was say, ‘Alright, let’s hit the road!” when she was so excited to be seeing her grandparents. Jake pulled me aside and left it up to me if I was able to stay longer or not. That’s something I like about he and I. We have similar parenting styles. I liked how he didn’t ask in front of Emma if I could tolerate longer, he asked privately. Whatever I chose would be presented as a united front. I decided it was most important to me that she got to spend some quality time with her grandparents. So, we broke our plan and stayed another hour. I popped some pills to help me hold up. By the end of that hour, I wasn’t feeling well at all and I asked Jake if he could round up everything so we could get home. The worst symptom in that moment was I was VERY lightheaded. Don’t worry, the victory isn’t Emma saying sorry or that I lasted an hour and a half at a party before being too sick to stay.
Here’s the victory… I was exhausted and fatigued, but I still came home and did my temperature training, heart rate variability training, and guided relaxation CD. Jake got home from dropping off Emma at her Mom’s (and arrived with chocolate for me). He and I laid in bed, chatting and we were both on our laptops. After awhile, I did some more low-intensity temperature training, meaning I wasn’t 100% focused on my breath and wasn’t staring at the thermometer monitor the whole time. I focused on my breathing, but would also chat with Jake intermittently. While I am talking to Jake, my temperature rapidly increases. I hooked him up tothe thermometer and found the same is true for him. The doctor said measuring temperature while we interact is an excellent test of the quality of our relationship and a wonderful sign that his presence effects my temperature so positively. Aww, how sweet, I know. Jake got all ready for bed and I was getting ready to leave the room to go take my bath. I was really worn out so I wasn’t sure if I should take one or not, but decided to go for it. I sat with my legs crisscrossed, gathering the Kindle, phone, notebook… all the necessities and then turned off my lamp.
Five minutes later, I was still sitting there with all my necessities in my lap just staring at my pillow. Jake, who was doing his nightly rounds on his phone, looked up and said “… What’s up…?” I told him,
My pain is just mild to moderate, not severe like it usually is after a weekend with Emma and a busy day. I am just sitting here, memorizing this feeling of wonder I am having over the lack of pain. I want to remember it forever. I never want to forget how special it is to me in this moment to have my aches and pains be ones I can ignore. Right now, I’d be equally amazed if I threw this Kindle, and it floated instead of falling the ground. I cannot believe this. I never realized how much more enjoyable life is without being in severe pain… because I can’t remember the last time that was the reality of my life.
Granted my wording to him was probably clumsy and not perfectly composed like that little excerpt just was, but this is my blog so I can remember it however I want! That my friends, was my victory of yesterday. It goes to show you even if your day consisted of a lightheaded spell severe enough to make you leave a party, even if you’re more exhausted than you ever thought you could be…. a victory may be hiding just around the corner.