This time of year, I see people I haven’t seen throughout the year. They inevitably ask about my health since being sick is pretty much my job right now (and because I’m just so darn loved). My main response in terms of how I am compared to last year is that I still can’t do much, but I can eat!! Last year, I had to leave Christmas Eve due to my nausea. I was sitting there, so nauseous with the room blacking out then coming into focus, back and forth rapidly, wondering how long I could tolerate it for, working so hard on just sitting up at the table… when I realized my nausea wasn’t just nausea, and I needed to get home ASAP. While family enjoyed catching up with one another and shared food, drinks, and gifts, I spent the night curled up on the bathroom floor. Looking back at pictures, I was SO skinny. I know I’m skinny now, but if you saw me last year, you know what I mean! This year, I can eat and not feel nauseous (most of the time). I may not be able to do much else, I may need to be really careful about what/how much I eat, I may get really tired after eating, I may get lightheaded after eating, and I may get nauseous after sitting up for too many hours, but for the most part, I can eat and then digest food. You have no idea how amazing it is to want food. I know some people think it’d be nice to lose weight and not crave food, but it really isn’t if you take my route to get there.
Case and point… today I suddenly really wanted a peanut butter Twix. I haven’t ever eaten one, but I had a crazy, intense craving for one. I know what a Reese’s tastes like and I know what a regular Twix tastes like, so I could imagine it. I can’t just go buy a Twix because is has dairy, soy, gluten, probably egg, and it’s full of nasty additives. My body has a hard enough time as it is, I like to keep it to ingredients I can pronounce and ingredients that agree with my body. So, I made a giant, quarter pound, twix-like treat in about 10 minutes plus cooling time. It really wasn’t even too sugary because I used dark chocolate. sugar = inflammation. It is organic and made with almond butter which I prefer to peanut butter. The cookie part (used coconut flour) stayed really crispy just like a Twix bar cookie does. Yum! When do modified food recipes turn out perfect on this first try? It’s a Christmas miracle.
This time last year, I definitely wouldn’t have craved this. I definitely wouldn’t have made it had I craved it (because I knew eating something so heavy was pointless as I wouldn’t keep it down). I definitely wouldn’t have eaten the whole thing in one sitting (no dinner for me tonight!). This year, I did all of the above.